Chronicles of a HeadCase.

The dearly departed never fade away completely as we strive to hold on to the memory that is a part of our lives. Mortality is a subdued thought that is always scratching from the back of our minds; if nobody remembers me, will i be completely gone and erased? What about the loved ones that had a mere brief flash of existence? How do we hold on to them? Reflect on them over the faces that we know? Will they always be the face that brings back the memory of pain and loss? While we, the ones who walk the earth and attempt to sustain immortality through family and deeds will nonetheless be washed away by the sands of time. Time will pass, memories may fade, but love will always keep us together. At least i feel that is how it should be…

What is the plan? The great piece to the puzzle. Each and every face I see here today is looking for a purpose or got lost in a cause. Where we, the weak willed intoxicate our doubts in a pool of drunken misery that seems to get older every single time. Yeah, I’m feeling down, cause here I am, in the sweaty and noisy bustling reality within the midst of a busy city waiting to meet another perpetual wrestle for the promise of another dream.

Particularly because I just got back to this harsh reality on Monday, from a blissful paradise-like state of being in Phuket. Deep sigh… thats what life should be like, cooling off in the pool from the beautiful soaring heat or laying under the sun to get some color in my skin to ward off my ghostly tan-less image while the serene voice of the ocean calms your nerves and melds your worries… so far away from bills, frills and all of those overrated thrills.

So, here I am, back in the clockwork and churning that vicious cycle of a wheel… waiting for my next escape to another paradise. Bali anyone?

As the beautiful sky connects with the deep blue sea, the difference between the two fade away and you can’t tell where one ends and where the other begins… even when the sun goes down, the reflection off of the wavy navy blue serene ocean completes the burning orange sun to make up for whatever gets eaten up by the never ending horizon. Everyone should be so lucky to have a sky to reflect their troubled waters upon, for tomorrow doesn’t promise anything, but today will last forever and every other day is just forever more. Yeah, the mad season is over, all is calm beneath the eye of the distant storm that has dissipated just somewhere out of my sight… and it feels good to breathe free and clear once again. For it is the consummation of our madness that make sense of my crazy world. No need to be weary, no need to worry because i am alive.

Today, I got a message from one of my avid blog readers and I was utterly stunned being featured on her blog with an array of compliments… Thank you Yeek Chia, for those of you who can read chinese you can check out Yeek Chia’s blog entry by clicking on the following link.

http://yeekchia.blogs.friendster.com/failure_inspire_winner/

Have a great weekend to all and thanks again to my readers… please keep on reading and I will keep on writing =)

The choices that never choose to relieve why you did what and what you have done; As shameful the path you’ve lived sometimes, the cleansing rain pours to wash it out of the way to leave a brighter sun for the days to come. Did i leave a bad taste in your mouth or do you still want to dig up the dead? All in all, I’ve washed my hands of the sinful consenting wounds that seem to bleed now and then. Please, catch your breath and tell me what options are there left when you’re no longer confused. So that I may tell you why, from now, I stand my ground alone and I stand strong so that you will never fade away into the silhoutte. Yet another silhoutte…

The passing waves are merely that of life and the searching seas to a final destiny of shores. I have no regrets in life while there are many things I would’ve done differently, I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Perhaps I don’t have to live in the dawn anymore… maybe I can finally see the dusk where our heads will lay together for the next day and the next and the next….

There is silent spark that fades into the dark, overwhelmed by a blinding and blazing sun; A sun that was eclipsed by the burdens of a restless wanderlust that could go supernova at a moments notice. Troubling times bring troubling news, and more muddling with the light hearted affairs… a world that some of us may only view through a shatterproof glass. Now all is quiet and night ensued as I turn a blind eye on a brightly fading spark. Farewell to all woes, for woe is me and am also a fool.

Walking on the constellation of motions, defining emotions that prick into one lonely thought. It strikes me with an equilibrium and I could almost remember how it was to once breathe free… but like a drowning man, now I have to keep it in till i reach the next stop. With gravity brushing next to me, I know I don’t need another reason to be on the other side anymore. I guess if you weren’t real, I could always make you up… I guess if I can’t feel you, I’ll just follow you to the shores and make out your silhouette and smile in the burning sunset. Yup, I’m the one in the black shirt disappearing into the darkness because black is the color that swallows up all the light, and I can never get enough of it. Am I blinded or seeing much clearer these days? I can never tell sometimes.

Transits and transitioning in all this travelling to where I am headed for the blue and silver skies. It feels odd when everyone seems like a younger you… did a piece of me get left behind somewhere along the way? I thought I’d watch and wait again for all my passing phases and all these passing faces. I never did like goodbyes so I always said hi and I never really leave… just re-appear. Just like I’ve always feared that one day, the red paint in the city light would start to glare… now I’m kinda glad, because the red tends to get old. It may be the feeling you get when you know you’re in the right direction, even if you don’t know where that final destination will rest your eyes. Guess I’ll pack my indecisions and start taking this new year off, to all the places I’m supposed to be. I’m sure there’s that something in the shade of gray that is more white than black. So I’m all in, coz I’ve nothing worth losing. This year, is the start of all the things to come. This year, is the feeling you get when you leave the airport after arriving. This year, I’ll take my chances for what I could have to get what I want. I guess I’ve finally arrived, even if it took a year. Welcome home, our dreams may or may not come true this year, but I do hope we keep the dream alive so that we will be too.

P.S. This is the 100th entry since I started blogging, so Happy Anniversary to my Chronicles and Happy New Year to us all.

Hi All,

Wanted to wish all my friends, family members and blog readers a belated Merry Christmas. Was real busy last week so I didn’t have time to post any wishes up. So, for being late, I prepared something for the merriment of all of you, click on the link below and enjoy!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=54f6baa81ca457791d18d4dG06122606

Happy New Year to you all!!

Some of us are comedians and dancers, acting on this crimson stage and entertaining this lonely audience. It used to be easy to set yourself on fire and let its’ passions consume you till its time the lights go out and we let it fade into another soft good night. Another day in paradise? or just another wasted way of giving yourself away? They say that you’ll never know what you’ve got till it’s gone… so how high up in that twinkling sky do we remain? Are we waiting to fall and slip into another summer’s dream waking to find a silent winter night. Where the shadows of our past and present echo into the four walls of our mighty sanctuary… can we make sense of the madness? If we can make sense of this, maybe we can learn to live again? Our foolish thoughts that weigh as much as a bird’s feather is quickly blown away in the rain or another passionate storm. Don’t some of you wish that you were only skin deep? If only all that remained was but a scar tissue. I envy the barkskin warriors… so ready to jump on a crusade and declare their undying honor but leave a trail of severed victims in the name of an all holy and pure. I wish I could be that ruthless… haha. Strange as it may seem, for someone as laid back as me, I actually don’t take my life too lightly. As hard as I may try, I will never say that I love you, unless I know that I do, maybe someone will have the patience to wait for me from across the chasm of impending doom. :p